Some things take a lot of getting used to.
There are some that I can manage—restoring my body clock, learning new stuff and unlearning the old. There are also some that I have no control over—shifting schedules, split RDs, stifling environment. Sure, the workload is light and I’m dealing with purely technical aspects of the pay TV service, considerably easy compared to Dish, but there’s something about the workplace that doesn’t sit well with me. The feeling of emptiness, that I am more than used to, seems to have doubled in the past two months and I’m certain it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I spend most of my time alone. Hey, I’ve spent most of my life alone and I enjoy my lunch in solitude, thank you very much. I seek the company of my wavemates now and then, though, to be honest.
During brunch with former teammates recently, I found out that most of them got promoted and my former team leader added that if I hadn’t left, I would’ve been in the same standing. I did feel a pang of regret, but not so much especially when I was told that I am allowed to go back. Even before that, I knew that if I could, I would. But now I’m not sure if I should. I’d probably regret my decision either way, all things considered.
I guess people never really settle for anything, in general. When we get what we think we want, we still yearn for that certain something… that’s something else. Something else entirely.